Anxiety Post 2-Hello Darkness My Old Friend

insomnia-SMALL[1]While I am sure people have a variety of reasons they read this blog, I am sure of one thing, it is not my cheery disposition. I have been told lately that I am mean and I am sure that is the truth and maybe one day I will change, but I am not really holding my breath or anything. Hopefully, a few people reading this blog actually like my rants about anxiety and depression, because thy are relatable and real instead of all that fake “life is peaches” crap most people blog about. Don’t get me wrong, life definitely has its wonderful moments where you want to scream it from the rooftops and tell other people who care less about it, but those are not really the moments people need to hear about. So, here I am.

While I am sure there are many people awake now, tending there own business, cleaning there kitchen, whatever people who hate sleep do, I am not awake because of this. I am awake because my mind will not be quiet and instead of doing positive techniques like meditation to quiet it, I do counterproductive things, like decide to see what everyone on my deactivated facebook has been up to. Yes, that is a self destructive behavior for sure, especially when you can’t sleep and it reminds you why you deactivated it in the first place by showing you smiling faces of clueless people you once knew. So my depression fueled insomnia has led me here. blog land. Hi. People I used to know. I don’t really know them now, our lives went separate ways, each of use thinking we chose a superior route. The truth being that there is no superior route. A few of my friends have even became parents, one just started to blog about it, I hope she finds her blog as stress relieving as mine. It made me think about babies though. We both can blog about our babies, but mine doesn’t get to have a real name and when I complain about it keeping me up at night and being the reason I can’t do certain things, I don’t get an understanding nod, I get a “you should shrug it off”. That’s thing about depression, people view it as something that can always be controlled with medication/therapy/diet, which is not always the case. It still has effects on a persons life regardless of anything they are doing to treat it. It still is something they have to life with their entire life like a child. We, everyone need to remove the stigma of this illness. 1 in 4 people struggle with this and will most likely their entire life. There are varying degrees with which a person suffers with this illness, you must speak candidly with the sufferer to know how their effects them. They might be hesitant to speak at first, but if you are understanding and want to help they might open up to you. Also, throughout a persons life it will fluctuate, the most important thing to do is to be understanding. Encourage them to not be self destructive and know that looks like many different things. Most of all if you really care do not discredit their individual struggle, because in the end you are not personally experiencing it.

Thanks. I hope to sleep now. We will see.

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