As I put on my pants one leg at a time this morning I thought about how my life has changed and how it has stayed the same. So I thought, I will blog my reflections, because they are relatable and why not. Now At first I thought, I’ll do 20 and 30, but that is not long enough, because everything takes me a long time so I am going to do 15 and 35.
Dear 15-year-old Sarah, I love your fearlessness, but you still need to realize that what people think about you really doesn’t matter at all. Don’t try to please people and most of all don’t try to please boys. You will go on several dates and have a handful of decent boyfriends in the years to come. You will realize that men are stupid the majority of the time and eventually you will find a kindred soul when you eventually quit looking and caring what anyone but yourself thinks about you. You will have some pretty cool tattoos eventually, thankfully not the ones you want now, but they are better and you don’t hate them. I know you think stretched earlobes are something you are going to love forever, your not. Really, your not going to become an alternative superstar with throat tattoos, your going to be fairly normal and have to wear a lot of cardigans to make people not question you on your tattoos. You will not have it all figured out by the time you are 25. In fact, at 25 you will probably figure out that there is no figuring it out. Everyone is winging it. You have no concept of money, AT ALL. While in your naïve brain you think when you are an adult you can just buy whatever you want, you can’t. You should learn to manage money now, or at least start. Quit being so competitive, life is really not a competition. You have some friends now that are going to leave, they are going to go there own way soon, you are not going to move to New York and live in awesome loft apartments being successful freelance painters. I know this is really hard to hear, but you have a different journey. It is just as beautiful in its own way. Join a yoga class now. Don’t chase after your first love, He doesn’t love you and you are wasting your time. Don’t start drinking, don’t even try it. In fact, quit drinking diet soda, its bad for you and worse from an aluminum can. There is no freedom at the end of the bottle and you will always regret it in the morning. You will always hate how your pants fit on your thighs, but that is your body and you need to respect it, it will take time. Be a leader not a follower always. It really doesn’t matter if everyone is doing it. Your beliefs will change for the better, you will understand that your beliefs are yours to choose. Get more involved in a church. You will become less self centered I promise. Just do everything in love and take risks. you won’t always succeed, but you will survive if you persist.
Letter to 35 year old me – To be continued.