VHS for LIFE; one more reason Austin is Awesome!

Austin has it all. We came across this video store downtown that is fan freaking tastic. I think the guy behind the counter said it was the second largest collection in the nation. And honestly, I believe it. Just look at the photos. This place has so much to choose from. Of course they have some new stuff and pop culture stuff. But, that isn’t what makes them great. What makes them great is the endless sea of cult classics and bizarro films like Hell Comes to Frog Town. You want to watch a “C” list movie, then this is the place!!! I am so excited we came across this store. So much for having Netflix… right?

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#Netflix has terrible taste in horror

I have been watching a lot of horror movies on Netflix, and honestly, most of them are disappointing. Netflix needs to step up their horror genre game. I am tired of the same old same old. Seems like the only horror movies that Netflix can get their hands on are the top 5 clichés. I am tired of the following, and sadly it seems to be the only options Netflix offers.

Death is for the Dogs

Opening scene introduces two characters. Character one is a human. Character two is a dog. In this opening scene you can assume that the dog will start barking and run off, out of view. This leaves the human going after them into the dark, but not before hearing the dog whimper and yelp. Cut scene: there’s something out there!

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The Ferry is for Fairies

Opening scene is on a ferry with a set list of characters. In this open scene you can assume the characters are doomed from the start, headed to a remote island town with no cell service, and power outages so regular that one of the locals mentions power outages right off the bat either on the boat or shortly after arriving on the island. Will they make it through the night?

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First time home Owner

This plot has no specific opening scene, but we can already assume that this lovely cookie cutter couple is in for a scare. They bought the wrong house. What could possibly go wrong? They have flood insurance. This genre of movie strives desperately to follow the footsteps of movies like Poltergeist but fall so short that they are on their bellies at the starting line. These movies are slow, no matter how much of a steel the house was per square foot. We get it… the house was cheap because there is EVIL a foot. Literally… per square foot.

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POV in General

It seems like POV makes up half of today’s horror and honestly, I am tired of it. I understand that it takes talent to execute a strong POV horror film. But let’s be honest, if the cinematographer keeps the angles extremely off center or shaky causing you to constantly ask what is even happening, then chances are it’s a poorly scripted film relying on cheap tricks rather than talent. These films are taking what made JAWS so great (never getting a good look at the shark) and turning into a bad pun (never getting a good look at the entire film).

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Feminist Survival

This is the worst type of horror that seems to be flooding Netflix right now. I feel like a broken record here, but we get it. The feminist movement is alive. You go girl. Happy for you, really… but that doesn’t mean we need this type of constant predictable dribble. A would-be helpless girl finds herself all alone and vulnerable in a sadistic fight against the manliest brute that ever walked the face of the earth. We get it… girl power is a thing, but I am sorry, most women would not stand a chance in a fist fight one on one against someone like Andre the Giant. It just isn’t going to happen. But according to this genre of movie, statistically speaking, every woman has a change so long as they know how to swing a flimsy wicker chair.

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All I want to know is, what happened to good creative horror and where is it? Because it’s obviously not on Netflix.

iphone theme update: Reanimator (update)

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So, technically I should be doing homework seeing as to how I have quarter finals coming up in another week. But after glaring at anatomy jargon for 5 hours straight I decided I need a little bit of a break. With that, I felt like it was time to update my phone theme. It was Howard the Duck. You can see it here. But, in the spirit of dead people school I decided to update it to The Reanimator. Yes, the home screen is actually partially from another movie called Return of the Living Dead, and not The Reanimator series at all… but so what. I felt like it fit well and both of the movies are really good. And you know what… Don Calfa (aka; Ernie the mortician – the guy holding the heads on my phone screen) is one of the major players in my desire to go to dead people school. So, yea.livingdeadphonescreen.jpg

Update: Went ahead and did one for the Return of the living dead as well.

skateboard horror

So, Sarah just made fun of me while watching me put together the image for this blog post. Just thought I would throw that out there. So yeah…

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Anyway, I used to skateboard a lot when I was in my teens and early twenties. Now that I am older I have decided I want to get back into it. But rather than get a board for doing tricks I would want to get a mini cruiser for just riding around. Hit some hills and car ports. I am a huge fan of horror so I put together a few custom designed cruiser decks that I think would be cool to get. We have Phantasm, Day of the Dead, Return of the Living Dead, Evil Dead, and a galactic H. P. Lovecraft. I haven’t decided which one I want to get and I might make a few more before I finally decide. But anyway, here they are.

Stream Free Horror movies!!!

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I am super excited to have stumbled across this website. As much as I want to sight where I got it from, I can’t remember. I don’t know if I was just Googling things or if I was actually referred the site from a blog or something. That doesn’t matter. What matters is that 80’s horror just got real. This site is an extensive list of, if not all… then most, 80’s horror movies. It breaks it down by the year it was released and shares links to where you can go to stream the entire movie online. A lot of the movies are surprisingly view-able on youtube which is really great because you don’t have to worry about spam pop up ads. I have already made a list of half a dozen movies I need to watch. Now I just need to make the time.

If you love 80’s B-movie horror and haven’t stumbled across this site, check it out.

Krampus: Movie Review

Okay, it is a late run… but I finally got the chance to see the movie Krampus. I have to say, going into it I expected more of a splatterpunk comedy with what actors were in it. With that, the movie was slow going for my initial expectations. But even still I was not disappointed. It is about time the theater got a movie that relied more on movie makeup and animatronics rather than CGI. I hope that this will start to become a trend in future films. This movie would have made Charles Band and Empire Pictures proud.

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